Hello there! It's been a while since I've had a chance to write a blog post, but I'm sure I can't be the only one struggling with this, so here I am!
I've recently weaned my daughter from the breast completely, after 15 months. I feel like I did my dash, and I didn't wean for any particular reason, apart from a few trips away from home that I have coming up. I was starting to feel a little bit over it, and wanted my body back to myself again before my husband and I try to have another baby.
I was NOT expecting weaning to be as hard as it has been. Breastfeeding was crucial to the bond I share with my daughter, and I was extremely lucky to never experience any difficulties or problems with it. A few weeks ago, my daughter was starting to lose interest in breastfeeding, and would only feed when I offered her (and not for more than 2 minutes). So I decided to take the opportunity, and just stop offering.
Obviously I've had the pain, the engorgement, the leaking and all that. But what has been the hardest is the hormonal shift. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it had to happen, and that it would probably be like PMS but ten times worse.
Boy, I was right. I'm an emotional wreck. One minute I'm nice, calm mummy who can fix anything, and the next I'm about to lose my mind. I feel like I don't have a handle on my emotions, and that is both terrifying and difficult.
Then the guilt sets in. I feel like the world's worst mum for being frustrated with my daughter when she's whining or grabbing my legs. My logical brain is telling me, "she's a toddler, she can't regulate her emotions" - but what about my emotions? I'm also feeling overwhelmed and like I have no control. So sometimes I cry, or I yell, or I go into the other room and take 10 deep breaths. Or take a rescue remedy.
If there's anyone else going through this right now, I want you to know that it's normal to feel frustrated. It's normal to cry. You're human, and being a mum is hard. Nobody can take those emotions from you, and very few people will understand how you feel. But I do. I see you, mama.